(During a recent holiday in France Profonde, I stumbled upon a national crisis).
the epiciere is empty
local market too
angst on each street corner
people haven’t got a clue
dejeuners are disrupted
gastronomy very hard
la source of this dilemma
global shortage of moutarde!
here, moutarde is part of everything
loved by toute le monde
of saucisse steaks and sauces
French are incroyablement fond
rationing is ‘en force’ today
one jar only each personne
stockpiling is pas necessaire
mal-eleve, just not done
it seems a drought in Canada
and war in far Ukraine
as well as global warming
has ‘ratatine’ le grain
there’s no stock of the Amora
not a whiff of Poupon-Grey
Colman’s is ‘en-rupture’
all shelves are clear as day
now vinaigrettes are tasteless
so too insipide mayonnaise
I’ve tried to give them Worcestershire sauce
to soulager ce malaise
the French are getting steamed up
they even have some prose
“la moutarde me monte au nez,”
which means
the mustard rises in my nose”
having scoured the supermarche
no moutarde have I seen
a cancel culture condiment
of which the French are very keen
the Cordon Bleus are cracking up
aficionados are bereft
in this Dijonnais dilemma
zut alors there’s nothing left
so I’m heading back to Blighty
to make a new moutarde
a brand new taste sensation
I hope it’s not en-retard
there’ll be nothing really like it
a nouveau moutarde noir
made of licorice and marmite
dilemma au revoir!!!
*
© Graham R Sherwood Jul/Aug 2022
grahamrichardsherwood.co.uk 